Taking the Dare.
On the last post, I expressed that I’ve been realizing it’s nice to have people around who you can count on and so on, and kinda sorta decided to take a dare a friend of mine set for me earlier this summer (Oh yea, during this one campfire session on the last day of my Christian fellowship camp, we all sat around and did a truth or dare Christian style, which means pretty much like the title except that you dare people to actually change their lives and you tell truth about someone who encourages them)___ to find a community that I can grow with seriously. So in an attempt to do that I’m also attempting to forewarn myself that sometimes belonging to a group, or the desire to belong to a group is also dangerous because this mysterious power that a mass of people have on an individual.
Have you ever tried so hard to fit in with a group of people that you try talking like them, walking like them, laughing at the same jokes (that you REALLY don’t think is so funny), and even bending your beliefs and values to their standard? It’s like youre so desperate that the slightest disagreement is something that you don’t ever want to have- coz God forbid they won’t like you anymore and somehow you become an exile of their “community”. and whats SCARY is that you think it MUST be you, NEVER them. And have you ever had that one friend who you can talk to about anything and everything and you trust her SO much coz she only wants the best of you - that ONE friend is starting to hate the group of people coz she can see how much they’re changing you into this person who is so afraid and so agreeable all the time but its like fake agreeableness because all the voice that you had in the world and all your energy is spent trying to figure out what the hell you’ve done wrong once conflicts arise. The group becomes your God, and shit happens, really smelly shit, when you let other things that’s not god becomes the center of your life.
And instead of the ball of compassion who loves, you become this- desperate, disempowered… web of insecurities.
And so yah, coz pastor Kyle (the pastor I wanted to choke below but really am so grateful for) is a man of lists and steps (ALL of his sermons this weekend went like this.. there are 3 steps on how you could…), I’m gonna attempt to forewarn myself by creating a list of things that I have decided would be a good one to look for in a community. Maybe consider this also a prayer to God asking for these things.
1. I need a group of people who will encourage me to be who I am and accept me.. as I am.
It must come with being this type A personality who wants to be perfect all the time and who has this ideal “me” in my head that I’m always trying to be someone that i THINK i want to be- but doing that feeds your self hatred because that’s killing whoever that God has created you to be. So I need an avenue to express myself -usually that’s through music or writing or praying. So a community that’s strong in music, prayer, and creative expressions but is accepting of people who aren’t. Hmm. I like that.
2. I need a group of people who will challenge me to do things i’m afraid of doing, but they’ll do it together with me.
A pastor friend has this caption at the bottom of his email saying “do something every day that scares you”. I believe it, because that’s the only thing you’ll grow out of your comfort zone, and that leads to growing up as a person.
3. I need an honest community where things aren’t covered up and gossips aren’t spread around.
I’d rather people just come up to me and say directly, dianne i hate the way you do this, than finding out after the fact when my reputation is already scarred because of a misunderstanding or some little things that couldve been resolved otherwise. It hurts to find that out and that decreases trust.. and trust needs to happen for a real friendship and real changes to happen.
4. I need a community that is passionate about people’s well being (not just social justice type of work but also mentorship type of work and individual well being), showing mercy, compassion, and kindness to people that society doesn’t usually like, without care of their own reputation being associated with them (not just the homeless and the poor, but also the “socially awkward” and the “uncool”). I want to grow in those characteristics and I need people to show me how.
5. I need a community that teaches me how to have a voice, a community that empowers me.
So I guess then that’s it for now. A pretty simple list, i’d say, but if you have any suggestions as to what I should add or if you want to talk to me about this or if you think you have a community you can show me, give me a holler. What’s fo sho is that I would need prayers and God to help me find something like this, so prayer is mucho appreciated. Woot. Here goes.
